if i asked could you say yes.

It's really really awesome when strangers become friends,

but the opposite of it,is something I find hard to bear.

How do you go about,not caring for someone you used to call friend?

What in the world can make you not care actually?

On my part,I think it's best I give you what you want.

So I hope you get famous in your own right,as your friends are still mine.

Those things that led to others,have led to even more things now,

I guess friendship for the Rich and Famous,lies only within the Rich and Famous.

Thanks for the "Canorous" moments.I truly enjoyed it all before the change.

rita

Today I give up on life as I know it.

Today I stop believing in all I hold unto.

No,I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to be fake,because I don't 

like people being fake.

Exactly the way she feels,I feel now

about people being fake.

No,I still don't want to talk about it.

Don't send me messages saying you

guys are worried about this,

I know that you know how I feel 

about all this.

Go ahead,I don't think I want to be part of

any form of circle in this world.

I need a friend,a friend who seems forced to 

be there for me now.

I'm setting you free,you can come back to me,

if you understand we are friends.

I want to drive around with you,

singing along to our Beatles CD.

I can't tell you,but I know that it's mine.

She's leaving home,and it's all being for

the benefit of Mr. Kite.

Could it be anybody?

I want somebody to love.

By the way,I mean it when I say,

it's your thing.I've got nothing to do with it.

Take it,mould it into whatever you want it to be,

at the end of the day,I'll still support you.

I'll be your biggest fan.

I'm going to do what it takes for me to be comfortable.

hold my head up late at night

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, and a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me, just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

voli koroi

hey,you're back?
It's hard to see you here expecting me to be who you are.
I wish I had that power though.

time and time again,we do what we have to.
we keep putting everything but ourselves next.
maybe if it was different once,
we'd see pass what light reflects on.

I hope you are m.o.s.
i can now see all the stones I've thrown
passing me by as I try to evade them.
My own medicine.take care though.

Irelax

I play dota once again.It's where I am best at being myself when I play.
I choose the cyber caffe and all the friends that come along with it because
they don't judge me and tell me that I am too different to be part of them.
I like the fact that my team can have 2 indians,1 chinese,2 malays and still play
together without any issues.

This is the life I choose.This is the life that accepts me to be part of them no
matter how different I may be.I'm the biggest feeder on the team by the way.
I hope the rest of you have fun.

iRx.PEMAKAN DUNIA
iRx.PEMAKAN BANGSA
iRx.Ubatbatuk
iRx.Achilles`
iRx.papajahats

super ppjh

on another note,there are a few relationships I am truly proud of.
to be able to send an email with six lines and have so much love
contained within those few words in it is incredible.

from being in london and then philadelphia within 1 day but managing to be
there to hear me out is something too impressive too believe.

to disappear for an eternity from my life and to have the courage to tell
me your problems is something no normal person can do.something that takes
so much courage.

I just can't understand how I can have friends this great.I love them all.


excerpt*

you changed my whole life,
don't know what you're doing to me.
I'm feeling super human,you did this to me,
a super human heart beats in me,
Nothing can stop me here with you.


everytime i think of you and all the possibilities the world has with you in it,
i feel like that line in that song.

blahtungguingyky

hey,if you are ignoring me on purpose,it's really not working the way you might want it to.It's
only making things worse for me.I'm not upset or angry or anything like that because I know
why you are doing it and what you are hoping to achieve by it.You just don't know it's not working
the way you want it to.

Eraj used to get upset with me,when I didn't want to share all my problems with him.When all
I could be with him was a happy man.I always thought I was doing him a favour by not telling him
my problems,by not being honest with him,but now I understand how he truly felt.Like he wasn't worth
my honesty.

I think to be blessed with a relationship that has gone through so much and still manage to sustain it's
strongholds after so many problems and misunderstandings,it is truly a wonderful thing.We've experienced
so much by ourselves already,so much that it's enough for us to decide maturely on things to do and how to
overcome problems we've most definitely faced before.

For me,the best solution is always honestly putting myself in another's shoes.
I love all of you.Honestly I love all of you.

O Week 2007 !!!!

I have no idea how  I managed to keep this with me for so long. =)

I miss you loads wei.

My First Time.

My Rock Wagon is No Longer Rocking Enough.

ACCIDENT!!!

vicky

ok,here's another rant about work.starting to get very tiring.

I got a telling off by boss,to not be rough to the bands,ravi mentioned that to the boss.

Fact, i don't think it's rough when I speak to the bands in their own dialect,or like old friends.
It's always welcoming to me everytime I gig,to have someone on the organizer's side talk with me like we've known each other for ages.

they are cool with it,they contact me after the gig,telling me how they like it.how well it went.
how they really hope and want to come back again.it's fun.I know it's a brand I'm carrying,the
"Homegrown Brand."But, can't I act individualy?I've not said one harsh word to the band,just because you guys can only afford to act profesionally,doesn't mean I'm obliged to as well.

The thing that I'm upset about is my boss lectured me on humbling myself and taking instructions.As far as I can remember,Ravi gave me only one instruction the whole day,which was to remind the bands to lower their volume and I did it.I don't know what is making my boss say that I need to humble myself and take instructions.To make it seem like I am not humble enough to learn really is a lie.

This sucks, 1 up to resignation and doing my own business.


okay update,boss was beating around a bush that's was not even supposed to be there.
now i really hate hip hop.lol=)

resurrection

why am I fighting to live,if I'm just living to fight.
why am I trying to see,where there is nothing in sight.
why am I trying to give,when no one gives me a try,
why am I dying to live,if I'm just living to die.

rowda ya habibi

hey there hadassah,

I learnt something.I was reading about this field I am working in on a few forums.

Most of the people there stated that I need to have a certain skill.The skill is called

"skill tahan maki".

Today I found out what they mean by that.My boss scolded me.It's not his fault la.100% my fault cause I was sleeping at the desk.

But the words out of his mouth, was quite insulting I think,it's still etched in my head.

I guess "skill tahan maki" is definitely needed for this field.

It's surprising though,I didn't assume an organization run by a church goer would work this way.

All the sarcasm and everything,I guess the working world really is unethical and self centred.
I also learnt that NOW it is okay to be hypocritical and lie to the boss.

deng.

yes,it doesn't matter where you are,your position is not going to stop you from achieving your dreams.It's i think how much you are willing to step out of your comfort zone that determines how soon you achieve them.
God works in so many different ways.=) I hope you hold on to that kah yee. =)
Glad you understand so much about God =)

Bryan and I almost got into a fist fight,I'm glad I didn't take him on his offer to come give me a slap.I'm glad I just stared at him and understand what he was.
I wouldn't have want to be in a fist fight with him.


We, being human beings,are just plain selfish most of the time.I know now that people can advice you on everything in the world,but just because they do so,it doesn't ensure that they practice it.
I'm going to jakarta.I want to go.

imalsoarockstar

There must be some kind of way out of here.
There's too much hurt,pain,distrust and assumptions.
Nobody of this worlds's worth it.There's no point to taking things for their worth now.
The only thing that counts is actually how much unfairnesswe can take before we start to give it back.
The best thing to do would be to not give any unfairness back.

I'm not much better than those who wronged me,even if I've not wronged any human,there is a God
I've wronged more than anything else.
That alone warrants me for all the suffering and pain
I can endure and then some.

For you to pick up that call
and then continue it even when you deserve all the rest
you can get,is truly amazing.To take how food is thrown at you in that sense,
is even more amazing on top graceful.
I'm so proud of how you adapted to experiences.
Proud of who you are. Honestly I am.

kawan-kawan aku

Hey there..

It's alright. I replied late to your chat anyways.

Hey, I understand that feeling small bit. And I know how bad it can feel.. Despite trying so hard and doing all the right things, people still make you feel small.

I really have no solution to that.

One thing I do know is that what matters is our reaction - when people make us feel small, we do not retaliate/react in ways that are negative. It will not speak much of who we are.. and make us even lesser.

What I do know and how I know I've been sustained is that I hold on to who God says I am. He says many things about me, many nice things especially.

Read Psalm 139 for example. It's crazy how much He thinks about me!

And Ephesians 2: 10! That He actually BELIEVES in me and in what I have within me. That's another crazy thought.

Does that insulate us from all the negative that people can show us? Nopes. It will still hurt. At times. But it helps more than ever to find our worth in our Creator's eyes.

Who has more right to tell you who you are/to make you feel how you feel? The people around you? Or the Person who Created you and put all those good things within you?

Choose who you want to listen to.

*hugs*

Hope you're feeling better..



_______________________________

thanks hadassah.

words toward eve.

There is no way I am allowed to feel this way.
I'm supposed to be the strongest,laugh the loudest,
live the liveliest,taste the tastiest,die the happiest.
I can't let them see me this way.

I can't wait for it all to end.
To come back together,to embrace each other.
There's no passing moment not filled with fragments,
fragments from a life I am proud of.

They can't see me,Not this way.
I'm the rock. The tamarind tree.
I'm not budging an inch,for if I move,
They lose their direction.

Sorry to say,I can't play as well.
There's nothing I'd not give for your success.
To see you marching out,as bright as stars,
To know I played a part.

50 years I'd wait,hoping for a day.
A day the whole world comes my way.
To know I can live all ways,
I'd have mingled with the world by then.

I'd be a citizen of the world.
It makes the most sense of all.

Homegrown Space

Hello there,

I'm sure most filmmakers/musicians/artists face this problem after producing their work.
They just can't find a space to display their work.
True right?

Well,recently this month,Homegrown Productions launched the Homegrown Space in Wisma Bentley ,The Curve.

This space is literaly free and the purpose of it is for our Malaysian Talent to be shown.

If you have any form of material and would like to show it at our space,feel free to contact me at @homegrown.com.my or give me a ring at 0149304606.

FYI we will provide you with the Amps,Musicial Instruments,DVD players,Projector,Screen and Sound System.
Best of all,EVERYTHING IS FREE.You will only have to do your own publicity.Also this space is not only for movies,stand up acts,music bands and fashion displays,it's just for any kind of art.

CE Torres Plaza

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

atas nama cinta,terlahir aku,melihat dunia

you know , I just watched a video.
It was a promo video for focus night.
It amazes me how I don't know that person in the video anymore.
Well she seems happy doing what she's doing and I figure it's just for the best.

And my thoughts keep going towards another friend of mine.
Someone I spent most of my twenty first year with.
The way things unfolded in the end,how I wish it could be different,
But even that happened for the best.

I'm amazed at how these individuals are capable of putting memories out of their mind,
How they seem to go on without thinking of the past and what has shaped them to be presently,
I'm tormented by the thoughts and experience I have inside me,how I wish I could escape them,
But no,I am no IGNORANT person,It hurts me if I don't care.

I cannot hold on to a principle and follow it blindly without experiencing the other side of it.
The icing never tastes as good as the cake in the end.


The world has been cruel yet blessfull these few months,
Friendships lost,friendships reignited
opportunities taken,opportunities granted.
It's weird how things go about in the worst way possible,then end up being ok.
But after everything,you still have that experience of getting things the worst way,


Perhaps it's to hold on to and not repeat,
Perhaps it's to be shared?
Perhaps just to be forgotten and gone through again.

It's about kah yee and charlotte.I miss the both of you,SO much.I hope you guys are fine.
One day I'll be able to forget everything like you have.

Pineapple

I don't think there is anyone else in the world who knows her the way I do.
There is no way anyone else can understand her the way I do.I'm blessed with that opportnity.
That's why I know I have to be there for her,my best friend.
God didn't lead me to know her this well and just leave her be.
So I'm writting this out as a statement to tell her how much I'm going to be
there for her when she needs me.


Hey friend,just like everyone else I love,even if you are halfway round the world,
I will come when you call.With a friendship unobtainable elsewhere,I will come.
I've been there so far and I've fought alot to be there.


Happy Rest of Your Life.

Kesudahannya.

It's over for now.I'm going to pull an Eric Pataky one day.

atas nama cinta,terlahir aku melihat dunia

Today morning,as I was going for my Bar interview,I had one of those personal prayer sessions.Those times where I can't take the way things are going in my life and wish for it to be different,those times when I break down and plead with God to finally come in and settle things because I finally allow him.

I didn't want to be barred from my exams and I didn't want to keep thinking about this whole problem that has been on my mind,I asked God to show me grace in the interview and for Him to show me if she is the one for me.That was it,I had that prayer sessions with Him,maybe it sounds very simple to you guys,but it was like an eternity trying to set things and talk it out with Him,to finally let Him do what He has the power to do.


At twelve a.m. I recieve a message that said

"God will make a way,When there seems to be no other way,He works in a way we cannot see,He will make a way for you =) you have a good rest! "

It was so soothing to hear that kind of thing being said to me,when I recieved it,I was happy to know that someone cared and that God was reassuring me He is working on it.

Around 5 hours after that,I go home,open a plastic bag just to go through it and put away what should be put away and I find a note that said

"You are the one that I want to spend my life with.You are the person that I love adn want to protect..I'll provide you with anything that will make you happy and I believe that I am capable of doing that.I'll wait for you,no matter what because I think you are worth the wait,the hurt and everything,and I love you.I Love You!!"

It was a parchment from her diary stating things I told her before.That I take as God's answer for me and her,I will hold myself to those words of mine.
I sitting here unable to sleep because of all this while waiting for her to call me.

After all this time,I still feel the same way I did when she wrote that note,actually my feelings are even stronger now,strong enough to keep me here waiting still for that call from her.

U.S.A. Boleh!

The world greatest nation has rejected racism.when will we?
The United States of America as of today,changed 200 years of history by
electing a new first BLACK president.A country where blacks being the minority has embraced changes worthy of the 21st century.

In contrast to that,our country,Malaysia is still bickering on why the non malays should not be given equal rights as the malays are.Yes,constitutionaly,it was agreed upon our forefathers,our forefather who were shipped into malaysia as labourers through draconian British methods,our forefathers who deemed a life of slavery in malaysia being better than a life of freedom in their respective motherlands.Such terms of discrimination might have been suitable in their eyes but in the eyes of us
"Malaysians",we who were born here,we who have breathed the same air as everyone else in this country from the time of our birth,such terms are ridiculously inappropriate.It will always seem wrong to us "Malaysians" who want to give our all for our country but are held back by such policies.It's policies like that which gives us second thoughts about wanting to give everything for our Malaysia.
It will always be noted to us as "Racism as a National Policy".

yeosh~!!!!!!!!!

today i beat a team consisting of imba jon,crono |,Kaelz,iputmycockinher and Amazone.I can't believe i did it.lol.feeling very proud now.emerson i got your messages but there is something wrong with my msn.really really screwed up.
amanda's birthday is coming.we're getting her something really really cool.something she's really appreciate so much

papajahat

i was told that i am no different from them.
i guess,no i think it's true.
i've got to punish myself,
the punishment starts today.

I'm sorry.

you know I am sorry,but I don't want my sorry to change anything,
you should do what you have decided to do.
Let me live in this torment myself.


i wish i could walk by hoyts,after she comes to pick me from work,with anzac cookies.
Then take a bus to Circular Quay.Buy chocolate scoops of copenhagen and take turns to share it.

troubling me mentally and emotionally,now I know what it means.

to waste such life on ordinaryness is ridiculous.

I cannot turn time back as I learnt so many years ago.We just make the best of what
we have at the moment.

currently,i'm more lost than you say you are.He;d take you back anytime but so is not the case for me.

good things

Its one hundred and sixty two days now.
i realise i need you more than i did at one hundred and twenty days.
heed my call for we are different from each other as we learnt tonight.
that will be what we have that orthers dont,that way things will last.

chicken barakian

why me?

why do I have to make this choice?

My question to the world,

what happens to how I feel about the whole issue?
but it's been said to me that it's nothing but friends.
So I think it's ok la.If it was more than friend,I wouldn't
know how to deal with it.

All I want to do is make more smiles and bring more happiness,
even if it's at the cost of me lacking it.

voluptuous indeed.

I'm going to be the best.There will be no reason for me to not be.


Something so motivational and meaningful in my life.A friend.

21

wow,these past two weeks,have been so different to me.so much ups and downs and one special person as well.
wah..i'll blog about things more precisely after I buy my pc. =)

pineapple

yummy mc donalds ice cream. =)

she looked happier on that side of the train

maybe it's because i'm different or insufficient.

sit by the river and hope it completes me.

what happens when you find something you'd never want to lose?
ish.
a period of several decision making in my life right now.
it's not as easy as it seems.

am i finally reaching that place i've been dreaming of?
what if it's false again.what if it's just a kite life has put me on?
to fly up so high and end up getting my string cut.
it would kill me to be on that kite,the fall.

it's got me thinking.

tupperware is the greatest invention man has made.tupperware my emotions. =)

all for claypot chicken rice

I hate this world.I honestly do.
emerson come back soon.we'll wage a war against this world.
stupid place where all the bad people can even make joyful people seem bad.
destroy every single unhappy thing.
I cannot take blow after blow continuously.
I can't keep taking the blame for all of you.
I honestly,sincerely,really could do with even the slightest amount of love.

Why can't everybody just be nice to each other and honestly love each other?
smoker or not,drugger or not,player or not,nerd or not,indian or not,chinese or not,malay or not.

I wish we all could win.I honestly do.
stop being bad to me,I'm really nice to you people la.
give me what I want for once.WANT WANT WANT! not need.ish.

ish is in bangsar i learnt today.

relieve me.

i took a girl to the most "romantic" place in malaysia last night.

CHINATOWN

=)

hahaha,it was fun going on the bus as if it was my old going to school route.and yeah,a girl.fuiyoh,how often do i take a girl out? i guess almost never right?
lol.

i think the things which attracted her the most at chinatown were the ang mohs sitting at the restaurant while waiting for their food.she doesn't like central market because of the people who hang around there.

then we returned,to near her place and we stood outside a restaurant in which my friend was performing at.he came out and talked to us and he asked if my friend was my gf.lol.

reasons as to why she cannot be my gf.
1.I'd need to own a restaurant which I don't own now.
2.I'm too tall.
3.I'm not ang moh.

=)

sighs.

I enjoy life now.lol.one whole year wasted but i'm starting to enjoy it now very much. =)
I think I found something I lost a year ago.
I'll be 21 soon.very soon.